My husband asked me why I stopped making us salads for dinner every night. He said he'd gained ten pounds lately and that he figured it was because he wasn't eating volumes of salad for dinner anymore.
I've noticed that I am relying more and more on vegan and vegetarian frozen foods to feed my three children. I might be accumulating ownership in Morningstar Farms at the rate that I am purchasing boxes of faux chicken nuggets.
All that stuff that a few years ago I was snuffing my nose at in the frozen section of Trader Joe's--frozen pizzas, frozen breakfast convenience foods--I'm filling our freezer up with it every week now.
I'm tired and that's all there is too it.
Back when I found
God, whoops, I mean a plant-based diet, I had so much enthusiasm and energy to plan and prep and cook and blog and everything that goes along with this lifestyle. And that passion and energy lasted many years, and things were very good. That doesn't mean that it wasn't hard or a struggle a lot of the time--fighting with my kids over what they were going to eat for three meals each and every day or putting up a fuss about the food that was going to be served at social events or debating what restaurant we were making reservations at on rare evenings out with extended family or friends.
I've become painfully aware that lately, I'm just kind of tired of it all. Not sick of it, like I'm throwing in the towel or anything, but just tired of it.
I read this comment on another blogger's post today and it struck me with it's truth:
"I think anyone who publicly represents their strongly held beliefs -- a religious person, a political activist, a healer -- does so because they have a great love for that thing which is at the center of their life. They love it so much that they have extra energy for it -- enough to share with others. They are teachers who have a gift for building bridges. They are often very patient. But even such people get tired and frustrated if they are exposed to too many people who are negative toward the thing they love." -SDK
I think I'm exhausted because the past year of my life has been one the most challenging, both emotionally and intellectually, of my entire 42 years. It's been extremely hard to maintain the balance of being a mother, business owner, wife, cook, nurse, psychologist, teacher, friend, involved community member, chauffeur, blogger, etc., etc. without losing my shit.
I'm not saying this because I want sympathy. I don't. The reason I'm writing about this here is because I want you to know that I finally understand. When you leave comments and ask for quick and easy recipe ideas because you don't have the time or energy to prepare healthy food for you and your dependents, I understand.
It doesn't mean that I will be able to provide them for you, but I know where you're coming from. Good tasting, real food takes time. I haven't found too many shortcuts that work.
One thing that I learned this year was that all feelings are temporary and that everything passes. Rather quickly if you just give it a minute. Feeling angry at someone? Just wait a half of an hour and then check in with yourself. Feeling overwhelmingly tired in the middle of the day? Don't run and grab a cup of coffee. Just wait a few and see how you feel. Chances are that feeling will pass.
So I'm pretty sure that the things that I am experiencing now, both the life challenges that I am facing and my lack of enthusiasm for long hours in the kitchen, are just phases. Not short ones, but yes, just phases.
What phase are you in?